It's been a rough winter. And, I don't just mean weather-wise.
I've been battling a lot of things, and I'll spare you the details, but now I'm faced with a very interesting and intriguing "assignment." I'm supposed to figure out what would make me happy -- and I'm finding it the most difficult question I've ever had to answer. Exciting, yes, but also really, really hard.
Because for the first time in my life, I want to do something big. I want to take a huge risk, even if it's a complete disaster. I want to do the irresponsible thing, the thing that doesn't make sense. I want to have fun again - and not "Mom fun" like painting pottery or redecorating my house or taking yoga with a friend. I want to do something for me instead of taking care of everyone else around me first. I've put others first for so long that when someone asks me what I want to do (even if it's where to go for dinner), I honestly can't answer. It's always been in my nature to just do whatever everyone else wants to do.
So, now that I'm forcing myself to think about what I want, I'm tossing around crazy ideas like moving to California or changing careers. Maybe if I can articulate the wildest ideas, something concrete will come out of it, some small first steps will become apparent. I feel very optimistic that, by this time next year, something big will have changed in my life - whether good or bad. To me, the worst thing would be if nothing changed -- if I just stifled these feelings, accepted things as they are, and went along with life as it is.
I'm not looking for sympathy or encouragement or reproach here (although I realize I may still get it). I am curious, though: How would you answer the question, "What would make you happy?"
