Friday, August 14, 2009

Transitions and paradoxes

You know how the longer you go without doing something, the harder it is to get back into it? Well, that's been my experience with blogging lately. Whenever I find a few minutes to write a post, I can't seem to focus on a good topic or there doesn't seem to be enough time to do a post justice. But, tonight, I figured I'd just write something quickly to get back into the swing of it.

My life lately has been wonderful and fun. A and R and I have been doing something new or special every weekend this summer (amusement parks, mini-golf, beaches), which has been great. And, with R riding a two-wheel bike, we've started taking little biking trips as a family. I love that! We've had a lot of visitors this summer, too - most recently my youngest sister - yay!

But at the same time, I'm going through a bit of an identity crisis. I think with R entering kindergarten in one month, I'm trying to figure out who I am since I'm not the mom of a needy preschooler anymore. And, I'm realizing that I haven't felt very good about myself in a long time. I feel frumpy and blah. So, I've been desperately watching What Not to Wear and reading fashion magazines, and I came to the conclusion that I needed a whole new wardrobe. :-) I never, never buy clothes for myself, so I think I'm due. But I also feel like part of it's just a way to grasp at something to occupy my thoughts and time. It's not going to fix everything that's going on inside me. But I am having fun shopping and learning a lot (apparently I've never worn the right size before - I didn't know what it was to wear clothes that fit me!). After five years of life that was basically about motherhood and work, I need to do some things for me. And, that's hard for me to accept because it seems selfish. I need to get past that.

So, that's the scoop. I'm having fun and freaking out at the same time.

Now, I have to go. What Not to Wear is on again. ;-)