Friday, August 14, 2009

Transitions and paradoxes

You know how the longer you go without doing something, the harder it is to get back into it? Well, that's been my experience with blogging lately. Whenever I find a few minutes to write a post, I can't seem to focus on a good topic or there doesn't seem to be enough time to do a post justice. But, tonight, I figured I'd just write something quickly to get back into the swing of it.

My life lately has been wonderful and fun. A and R and I have been doing something new or special every weekend this summer (amusement parks, mini-golf, beaches), which has been great. And, with R riding a two-wheel bike, we've started taking little biking trips as a family. I love that! We've had a lot of visitors this summer, too - most recently my youngest sister - yay!

But at the same time, I'm going through a bit of an identity crisis. I think with R entering kindergarten in one month, I'm trying to figure out who I am since I'm not the mom of a needy preschooler anymore. And, I'm realizing that I haven't felt very good about myself in a long time. I feel frumpy and blah. So, I've been desperately watching What Not to Wear and reading fashion magazines, and I came to the conclusion that I needed a whole new wardrobe. :-) I never, never buy clothes for myself, so I think I'm due. But I also feel like part of it's just a way to grasp at something to occupy my thoughts and time. It's not going to fix everything that's going on inside me. But I am having fun shopping and learning a lot (apparently I've never worn the right size before - I didn't know what it was to wear clothes that fit me!). After five years of life that was basically about motherhood and work, I need to do some things for me. And, that's hard for me to accept because it seems selfish. I need to get past that.

So, that's the scoop. I'm having fun and freaking out at the same time.

Now, I have to go. What Not to Wear is on again. ;-)

6 comments:

sandwhichisthere said...

Sweetheart,
not being able to justify doing something for yourself may be a Swedish thing. I have always found it difficult to do. New cars, new clothing, and new furniture have always been an anathema to me.
You work in an office and it is important to dress appropriately for your family's sake. You are doing it for them.
I recently learned a lesson in appropriate dress. I learned that it is a very bad idea to fry chicken while nude,
daddy

Stef said...

I think it's all about how you spin things. You aren't the mom of a needy preschooler anymore. You *are* the mom of fun, healthy, happy and slightly more independent kindergartner!

And it's not selfish to do something nice for yourself! 1. You deserve it; 2. We all should be wearing clothes that fit; and 3. The clothes aren't a band-aid or quick fix if your new pieces are making you feel better about yourself.

I love you!!! S

LEstes65 said...

Good for you! I can't wait to see some pix of the new threads. Then you can come down here and help me buy more "work clothes".

Love you!

Kansas Bob said...

Way to go Kristen! So often folks get old way before their time.. I suspect that a change of wardrobe might help to enhance a young mindset as well.

Suztash said...

It's great to refresh or reinvent your "look", but don't be too surprised if it doesn't necessarily satisfy your need to realize your "identity". Why not consult the God Who made you and understands everything about you. As you open yourself up to Him, He will bring you into the new phase of your life with an understanding of your gifts and help you recognize new opportunities to use them and shine in new ways. We can "put on" new and enhancing, adornments, but if we aren't refreshed inside, we may not realize the effect we're aiming for. Love you, Mom

heidi @ ggip said...

Hey, I hope you do have fun with the shopping. And I hope you feel better about your insides too!

I am starting to get back into blogging now. It is the summer that got me, and I needed a bit of a break.