- Buying a new wardrobe (not so bad and actually was a long time coming; could be considered a necessity)
- Going out more often with girlfriends (a good thing!)
- Freaking out about R getting older (understandable)
- Reading Jane Austen novels over and over again, especially Pride and Prejudice and Persuasion
- Watching movies of Jane Austen novels over and over again, especially Pride and Prejudice and Persuasion
- Getting frustrated with real life because people and relationships aren't like they are in Jane Austen novels
- Losing sleep from re-hashing in my mind stupid things I did in the past
- Playing the "What if?" game (i.e., playing out scenarios in my head in which I chose different paths in my past)
The Jane Austen stuff is just funny. I love her novels, nearly all of them anyway. And, every few years, I pull them out and read them until the wee hours of the night because I can't put them down. And, I get lost in the romance and that time period and wish I lived back then. But eventually I realize that women's lives were pretty darn crappy then. Also, that I probably wouldn't have been a member of the gentry. I think with my family background, I would have been some kind of scullery maid. So the longing wears off. :-) Plus, my gut tells me that even in Jane Austen's times, men did not actually write letters like Mark Darcy's and Frederick Wentworth's.
Re-hashing mistakes from my past - well, a little remorse can be a good thing. But I try not to dwell on it too much because there isn't much I can do to change things or make amends now. I was young once and stupid sometimes.
The "What if?" game could be dangerous. What if I had dated this person or that person instead of just being friends? But as I've thought about these things, I've actually re-realized that A and I were truly meant to be together. It reminded me that A is the right person for me and always has been (even if he has never written me a letter about how I pierce his soul - darn it, Jane Austen!). Although the path I took to find him may have had some crazy turns and detours, I ended up in the right place.
Maybe it's not my midlife crisis. Maybe I should call it my midlife renewal.