It's been a rough winter. And, I don't just mean weather-wise.
I've been battling a lot of things, and I'll spare you the details, but now I'm faced with a very interesting and intriguing "assignment." I'm supposed to figure out what would make me happy -- and I'm finding it the most difficult question I've ever had to answer. Exciting, yes, but also really, really hard.
Because for the first time in my life, I want to do something big. I want to take a huge risk, even if it's a complete disaster. I want to do the irresponsible thing, the thing that doesn't make sense. I want to have fun again - and not "Mom fun" like painting pottery or redecorating my house or taking yoga with a friend. I want to do something for me instead of taking care of everyone else around me first. I've put others first for so long that when someone asks me what I want to do (even if it's where to go for dinner), I honestly can't answer. It's always been in my nature to just do whatever everyone else wants to do.
So, now that I'm forcing myself to think about what I want, I'm tossing around crazy ideas like moving to California or changing careers. Maybe if I can articulate the wildest ideas, something concrete will come out of it, some small first steps will become apparent. I feel very optimistic that, by this time next year, something big will have changed in my life - whether good or bad. To me, the worst thing would be if nothing changed -- if I just stifled these feelings, accepted things as they are, and went along with life as it is.
I'm not looking for sympathy or encouragement or reproach here (although I realize I may still get it). I am curious, though: How would you answer the question, "What would make you happy?"
9 comments:
To live closer to you.
Ole Pat's time has come and gone. Maybe someone has walked him up to the porch and put him back on his rocker.
I support the idea of moving to California...
As for what would make me happy? Six straight hours of sleep. I would be on cloud nine.
Lol, I have no idea. But I keep trying stuff, and some things are better than others.
It sounds a bit trite but I believe that you will find the answer in your heart. It has been a difficult journey for me because I lived from my brain for so long. Before I could really get to know what I wanted I had to first know myself at a deep level. And sometimes the answer to the question is more about the process of getting to the answer than the answer itself.
Do you know that Greg and I are moving to Vienna? Well, I'm not saying that it will make me happy...I know it's going to be full of challenges (and already is), but I can definitely say that stepping out in faith to pursue a dream (raising our family overseas) is incredibly rewarding. Can't wait to see what's ahead for you! I know God desires happiness for you (in Him) and will lead you forward in this journey!
Love this post and how you're thinking of ways to put your needs and wants first. (And, yes, I realize that you didn't write the post, seeking approval.)
What would make me happy? Unrealistically, not having to worry about health problems. Superficially, a month in France or Spain without a care in the world. Realistically, adopting a child. xoxo
Thanks, everyone, for your comments. It's fun reading what would make you happy - from big to small things. I love you all!
--K
That was the first place that I visited when I moved to New York City. If you go to the Guggenheim, take the elevator to the top and walk down. The Staten Island Ferry does not stop at the Statue of Liberty. You have to take the smaller boat out to it.
Quote from the past: "Do we have to go to another damned museum? Can't we go to an amusement park or something?". These questions were asked by my beloved firstborn.
That little apple you have didn't fall near the tree. It rolled all of the way down the hill.
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