Mother's Day 2007

Today couldn't have been any more perfect! First of all, the weather was incredible: sunny, in the 60s, bright blue sky, with a cool breeze. After church, I came home to a tiny box of chocolate mice from L.A. Burdick's and a card decorated by R, and A made us our usual Sunday pancakes (mine with chocolate sauce) and bacon. Then we headed to Drumlin Farm for the morning. It was exactly what I wanted to do. We went hiking on some of the trails and found this clearing at the top of a hill. There was an incredible view from there of miles and miles of trees and Mount Wachusett, without any signs of highways or houses or civilization. Breathtaking. A and R climbed up a huge rock. We took the trails back to the farm to check out some of the animals.


Last year, R didn't pay much attention to any of the animals, but this time he was intrigued. We spent a lot of time looking at the birds - a crow, pheasant, turkey vulture, several hawks, and then the owls. I tried not to react too much when we discovered that it was lunchtime for the birds -- a few of them were tearing, shredding, and eating mice and rats. R just wanted to know what they were doing; he didn't seem scared or grossed out by it at all. He wasn't as thrilled by the farm animals. The lambs and kids were running around the pastures, and that freaked him out a little bit. I had to reassure him that the animals were behind fences and couldn't get out. He loved the tractor/hay ride.

We headed home, had popsicles outside, then I read him a story and put him down for a nap. I also put me down for a nap because he insisted that I sleep with him, and my "just for a minute" became two hours when I dozed off. But I can't think of anything nicer to do on Mother's Day than snuggle with my precious boy. :-)

In the afternoon, we went to a local nursery to pick up some perennials. I got two echinacea/coneflower plants for the back yard and two bleeding hearts for the front yard. (We'll see how they do. Between the lawn grubs and the roots from all of our bushes, it's very difficult for anything to grow in our yard, as I've discovered through heartbreak and frustration. The lawn grubs will soon be history, though, as we finally decided to have someone treat our lawn. *sigh* I hate chemicals, but our lawn really is horrible and it's only going to get worse.) Anyway, I'm so impressed and excited by R and how much interest he has in the things that interest A and me. Yesterday, he was fantastic at the antiques show (more on that tomorrow), and today he was exploring all the different plants and asking questions about them. When we got home, we played trains for awhile in his room and painted a wooden birdhouse, but then he helped me plant the echinacea. We dug the holes together, placed the plants, threw the dirt back in, and watered the plants. It makes me so happy to do these things with him.


Meanwhile, A had fired up the grill and made us a delicious dinner of grilled venison, corn on the cob, and roasted potatoes and broccoli. I am so lucky to be married to someone who went to cooking school! Our meal sounds simple, but A makes the most incredible meat rubs, and he doused the potatoes and broccoli with olive oil, a little butter, and herbs from our garden last year. And, miracle of miracles, we got R to try the potatoes! (He has never liked potatoes, except in the greasy french fry variety.) He took a few bites and admitted he liked it, but said he was all done. Hey, we were thrilled because he at least tried it, which has been such a struggle in recent months.

After dinner, R alternated between strumming his guitar and blowing on his flute, and then we had a lovely all-family tickle fight.

Thank you, Lord, for this amazing day! Thank you for my boys and for the time we have to spend together. Thank you that there are still places left where we can just see the Earth's beauty without evidence of our mark on it. Bless all the moms in my life, especially Mom - who has taught me everything about love - and Johanna - who manages to laugh and have fun with her boys even in the most challenging and stressful times. Amen.

Pictures

This is R climbing on the rope ladder at the playground. This year, he can do it all by himself (and scare the pants off me)!

I really love taking pictures of R holding hands with someone and walking. This is R and my mom. This day was extra exciting because not only did we go to the park to fly kites, but we saw STREET SWEEPERS in action! If you squint, you can see them at the very top of the street.

My mom made these "space" cakes for R's birthday. She kept apologizing for them, but I LOVED them and so did R. If you can't figure them out, there's a space shuttle, Earth, Jupiter, and the moon.

Another holding hands picture. These are my boys. I thank God every day for them. (Silly Mom note: R's ears don't really stick out like that - the hat is too big and is pushing them outwards.)

 

Me, my mom, and R. (Again with the ears.) This picture is starting to become a tradition because we take one of the three of us each year when Mom comes up to visit from Florida. I miss her so much! (P.S. No, I am not pregnant, although it sure looks it!)

This was for R's real birthday (his big party was the day before). He was really good at blowing out the candles, especially given that the tall ones were trick sparklers!

A few days off

I took a few days' break from the computer at night. Sometimes I just don't feel like lugging my laptop home from work - mainly because it means my work day never ends. On Tuesday night, I fell asleep at 10:15 and woke up at 6 a.m. I was still in my own bed and I never had to get up to go to R's room - it was lovely! (Not that I mind comforting him or snuggling him, but getting up three times a night every night doesn't make for a good night's sleep.) Last night was my night alone with R, so after I finally got him to bed, I just relaxed on the couch, wrote his birthday thank-you notes, and chatted with A later when he got home.

We're going to try to go to the Brimfield Antique show this weekend. A and I used to go every year before R was born. The show is HUGE - we've never made it through the whole thing. We usually don't get further than one section, and there are TONS of sections. It's a lot of fun because there is so much variety - antiques, junk, handmade furniture, quilts, garden decorations, really everything you can think of - and the people are very friendly and funny. A tries to find ancient coins and vintage children's books, while I look for funky, small pieces of furniture, old kitchen stuff (my favorite find was an old percolator coffee pot that was white enamel trimmed in red), and plates matching my grandmother's old set. One year, we found a very cool rocketship cast iron bank. And, another year, we stupidly passed up buying an antique oak Hoosier cabinet that was in beautiful shape and priced ridiculously low. But we didn't have a vehicle big enough to get it home at the time and didn't feel like renting a truck.

We're trying to decide if we're just plain insane for trying to bring R to it this year. He'll get plenty of exercise from walking around, but he'll probably want to touch everything. But we'll go for a little while, and if he gets nutty, we'll just head home. And he'll probably end up saving us a lot of money because we won't have as much freedom to browse! :-) Either way, it's supposed to be a beautiful day on Saturday, so it'll be nice to be together outside.

Dear Lord: Thank you for helping me get through this challenging week at work. Thank you for the tiny green leaves on my clematis plants. Thank you for A and R and for making me a wife and mother. And thank you for new friends! Amen.

Kristen needs...

Here's my list from the tag that's going around where you do a Google search for your name + needs. I think I may have cheated slightly because some of the ones that came up were so boring, I skipped over them.

Kristen needs to re-think the top
LOL - I think that could be said of ALL of my clothes.

Kristen needs a new connection
This one was about needing a faster Internet connection, and mine is just fine. But I did make a new connection/acquaintance at work this week, which was really nice.

Kristen needs to lay her egg
Ummm, lay the what now?

Kristen needs to watch it again, she must not be thinking of the right movie
No way. I'm very good with movie details. Books - not so much - because I tend to read too fast when I like a book and then I miss a lot.

Kristen needs to notify the billing companies in writing that she wants the billing to be stopped
Excellent advice. If I write my mortgage company and ask them to stop billing me, will they just give me the house?

Kristen needs to wash her socks because she will need them on Sunday morning
Gotta have clean socks for church! :-)

Kristen needs to write everything down
It's true. I used to be so organized until I became a mom. Now, if I don't write it down, it probably won't happen.

Kristen needs volunteers to work all day or in 1.5 hour shifts
Yes, please! If there are any volunteers who enjoy dusting, mopping, pulling weeds, and putting toys away, I've got just the job for you!

Kristen needs more balance in her life
I struggle with this every single day. Working full-time and being a mom is just plain hard, but I do the best I can.

I saved the best for last...

Kristen needs some TLC, mostly in the form of a new wig as her hair is gnarled and it appears to have been cut
LOL! I completely agree. My hair is a mess! It looked great for the first day after I got it cut last weekend, but now I'm responsible for styling it, which means it just air dries, gets frizzy, and hangs there. (OK, so this is from an eBay listing for a doll, but it definitely applies!)

Patience

I should know better than to pre-judge anything or anyone. The dinner and lecture last night were really enjoyable! Everyone was so nice and very interesting. It wasn't snooty at all. Just lots of smart people with lots of fascinating stories to tell. The food was good, too. It wasn't much of a date because A and I both ended up talking to other people more than each other, but that's okay.

Today was a bit of a challenge. Church was great, which definitely helped me stay sane the rest of the day. We met our friends for breakfast at the diner around the corner, and R was very squirmy. He needed to be outside and to run and climb (we did that afterwards). I can deal with the squirminess, and I expect it. But when will this boy stop throwing food? He doesn't just throw it - he mashes it up between his hands and crumbles it into tiny pieces that go everywhere. It drives me insane. Hmm - that's probably why he does it, isn't it? :-)

The food is what makes me nuts, but R has been throwing everything lately. Sand from the sandbox, water in the bathtub, sidewalk chalk, toys, etc. And, he dumps things out for no reason - the container of bubbles, his milk/juice/water. Is this just what boys do? Is it a stage?

I hate being a cranky mommy. I hate saying "No" all day long, and I'm sure it's no fun for R either. I try to pick my battles with him so that his life isn't just about what he can't do. And I call on God to grant me patience a lot.

Of course, I try to be positive and call attention to his good behavior and have fun with him as much as possible. Today, he put his shoes on all by himself and tried very hard to do his socks as well, he made up a song about the "sock fuzz" between his toes, and he wiped up a spill on the table. Together, he and I laid on our backs in the backyard to look at the sky, we started digging a new flower bed and found an earthworm and talked about what it eats, and we listened to a woodpecker's tapping. When we were kicking a ball around the backyard, R stopped and announced, "Actually, we need to rake now" and then he went to get his rake out of the shed and started raking the dead grass out of the lawn. We played with Colorforms (thank you, Ericka!) and went to the park. And, at naptime, R wanted me to sleep with him so I laid down next to him for "just a minute." I woke up an hour later (I guess I needed a nap, too!) and spent awhile just watching him sleep, with his beloved purple flashlight tucked under one arm and his plastic hammer tucked under the other. :-)

Wow - just writing all that made me feel better!

On another note, my church is encouraging us to read "What's So Amazing About Grace?" by Philip Yancey. I bought it today and started it tonight. So far, I like it very much. I also need to do research tonight on composting because I'm not 100% clear on what things should and shouldn't go into a compost pile. The soil in our yard desperately needs some help, so I've been wanting to start composting for awhile. Plus, I really like the idea of producing less garbage for the landfill/incinerator. And, I need to start writing thank-you notes for R's birthday - ack!

Thank you, Lord, for helping me focus on the good in my life - and for granting me patience to get through every day. Help me to raise R to be a good, loving person who doesn't throw food. :-)

A date, of sorts

A. and I are going out to dinner tomorrow night. Well, a dinner held by a snooty ancient coin club (snooty because you have to be invited to join the club - we're only allowed to come to the dinner because we're paying), with an accompanying lecture. I'm not sure how/why I agreed to go to this with A., but hey, it's our first night out in over a year, I think. (Ack!) It's not for lack of trying. We've planned several dates over the last few months, but something always comes up either for us or for our babysitters. I don't know what the heck I'm going to wear, but I did manage to squeak in a hair appointment, so at least my hair will look good. The rest of me will look tired and frumpy as usual. :-)

I try not to focus on my appearance too much, but I do wonder sometimes what has happened to me. When my mom was my age with three little kids, she was GORGEOUS. Long, shiny brown hair, perfect skin, curvy in all the right places. The pictures of my grandma from her 30s are like that, too. She was a babe! On the other hand, I seem to be deteoriating year by year. My skin is a mess, my hair is a giant blah, and I never lost all my pregnancy weight. I look unwell most of the time. I keep thinking that when things calm down, when R. is older, when I have more time to eat right and exercise, I'll recapture my healthy beauty. But what if that day never comes? Will I just not care at some point? I don't even have time to do my makeup in the morning without R. hanging all over me and grabbing everything. And, forget my clothes: everything I own is stained or torn or doesn't fit correctly. If I do put something on that's clean and in good shape, before I walk out the door, it's a mess from a certain three-year-old using me as a human napkin.

I'm only partly upset by all of this (despite what I just wrote). I actually love wearing my stained clothes - just like I never minded having spit-up or breastmilk stains on my shirts - because to me it says, I'm a Mom. And that's all I've ever wanted in life. I'm happy that I don't spend gobs of money on clothes anymore. I don't miss spending hours shopping because my time is so much more precious now, and I just want to spend it with A. and R. Yes, it is nice once in awhile to have a day to myself - or even 10 minutes for a shower without someone busting into the bathroom. But I don't have time anymore to spend poring over my face and makeup or fixing my hair, so I forget that I don't look my best, which means it doesn't bother me (most of the time - I am human after all). I find myself saying "Oh well!" a lot when I look in the mirror. And that's okay.

Of course, my boys always make me feel better. One day last fall, I was looking at myself in the mirror and lamenting. R. asked me, "What's wrong, Mommy?" I told him that my face was a mess. And he said, "It's not a mess, Mommy, it's beautiful!"

Thank you, Lord, for A. and R. who think I'm beautiful no matter what. Amen.

Bells and whistles

This morning, as I got ready for work, I heard a church bell ringing out the time at 7:00. It was the first time I've heard it before, and I've lived in this house and this part of town for more than four years now. And I'm always up at that time every day, except for occasional weekends when R. sleeps late. It made me wonder: How many times have I missed hearing it before? And, what other things am I missing?

It made me think about how many times God may have been trying to show or tell me something when I've missed it. I'm sure it's a lot. The times I have noticed - the messages have been powerful, yet subtle.

Just this past Sunday I heard him talking to me. It was the first time when I've woken up and really didn't feel like going to church (in the 7 months I've been going regularly). I felt sad, and tired of going to church by myself. I was being down on myself for being quiet and not the kind of person who can easily make friends and conversation. I felt really alone. Like no one would even notice if I didn't show up to church since I don't really know anyone there yet. And, I was torn about going to the "Holy Conversations" thing in the afternoon that I had signed up for because it meant time away from R. So I wasn't in the best mood.

I couldn't pay attention during the sermon, and the hymns were mostly unfamiliar. So I wasn't getting a lot of comfort from the service. Tears came to my eyes when I was walking up to the altar for communion. But then, the first thing happened. Here I was feeling sorry for myself when I noticed a woman across the way who looked about as down as I did. She comes every week, too, mostly by herself. Once in awhile, her children and husband come with her. And who knows? Maybe she wasn't sad and maybe she isn't bothered by coming by herself most weeks, but it got me out of my funk for a few minutes thinking that just possibly someone else there felt like I did that morning.

When the service was over, I was still feeling down, though, and pulled on my jacket and started heading out. I was walking toward the exit when I heard someone say, "Kris!" I turned around, and there was the very nice couple who I met on my first visit to St. Paul's. The woman asked if I had had a nice visit with my mom. (I had introduced them to my mom the week before when she came with me to church.) We chatted for a minute, and then I just said, "Thank you!" before heading out again. I know it's not a burning bush kind of sign (or neon sign like Tourette's Mom's), but it worked for me. I am so thankful for those little signs where God reminds me that I mean something. I even told A. about it when I got home, and he was touched.

I wonder if I'd even notice a big sign if God gave me one. Maybe there have been times when he's been on the side of the road or sitting across from me on the T or standing beside my bed, waving his arms around, and yelling, "Hey, Kristen!!! Look over here! Listen to what I'm trying to tell you! Don't date that guy/don't drive so fast/put down the ice cream/listen to your mother/you can't afford that/keep your mouth shut/etc.! Helllooooooo!" It makes me laugh to think about that, partly because I imagine God getting frustrated and exasperated with my inattention and storming off to go back to the drawing board to figure out how to reach me, all of which means that he loves me. :-)

Anyway...

Today was a beautiful day here - another in the high 60s with sunshine and puffy clouds and loveliness. R. and A. had a great day together - they visited three different playgrounds! And my day at work was pretty good, too - in that it wasn't extremely stressful and I actually got something done.

I've been reading a book I bought by Barbara Brown Taylor - Leaving Church: A Memoir of Faith, which I'm really enjoying. After that, I've got another book by Sue Monk Kidd waiting for me.

This weekend, I'm going to work on getting some more pictures up here!