Monday, July 13, 2009


We've been so busy this summer, which is pretty unusual for us. But we're having a blast, seeing lots of friends, making little day trips, etc.

In the midst of all the activity, I've noticed a big change in R - one that had been promised to us for years, but we're finally just seeing it now.

Until this point, R has always been very mommy-centered. I was the only one who could comfort him when he was hurt or sad, the only one who could soothe his middle-of-the-night wakings and freak-outs. He only wanted me to read bedtime stories - if it was Daddy's turn, R would cry and beg that we switch. We went through a few phases where R actually told A to "Go away!" when I was around so he could have me to himself. If I was at work, R was fine, but if I was around, poor A was chopped liver.

This situation was really hard on both A and me. A tried not to be hurt by it, but he was, especially because he spends a lot of time with R - he's been the one who was home with R on days when R didn't go to school/daycare. A is a wonderful father, and the rejection hurt.

And, having all that neediness on me alone was no fun either. I love the close relationship that R and I have always had, but it can be exhausting, too.

People kept telling us it was going to switch, that R would start favoring A. Of course, we were told that would happen around age 2. Ha ha.

Well, it finally has started (at age 5). Not so much that R favors A, but that he prefers him for some activities AND he treasures his time alone with A now. I think it started when R's fascination with fishing began. But R and A also have their model rocket interest, plus wrestling and tree-climbing and doing traditional boy stuff. Not that I don't also do these things with them - and enjoy a lot of them - but I think R has figured out that these are primarily Daddy things. And, I think that's wonderful.

A few weeks ago, when we were on our way to visit my dad and take R fishing, we stopped at a convenience store. A was going to run in by himself really quick, but then R decided he wanted to go, too, so we all hopped out of the car. That's when I was informed by R that he wanted some private time with Daddy. That was the first time R ever said that, and I was floored. And relieved! So, I got to sit in the car and check my email and think about how much R is changing while my boys shopped.

When A and R came out of the store, R came to my door, opened it, and silently handed me a package of Reese's peanut butter cups (my favorite), while smiling sweetly. Then he climbed into his seat. After we were settled, A informed me that the peanut butter cups were completely R's idea. I nearly cried. Here, my little guy is spending more time with his dad and appreciating him more (yay!), but he's still thinking of me while he's doing it.

I couldn't ask for more.


LEstes65 said...

I'm such a dork. This made me cry.

sandwhichisthere said...

I noticed all the things that you mention. They are all a natural progression in the life of a boy. He will always be your special friend. My Father used to always tell us "Your Mother is your best friend.". During my teenage years I used to think "How can that be?" but it turned out to be right. Rix will love and respect Alan always but will just out and out love you with all of his heart,

Ericka said...

Aww, you made me cry at work! He's such a sweetie - the tears started at the 1st mention of Reese's Peanut butter cups.

Wanda said...

Ok, I'll confess... this is a tear jerker.....

But a sweet way to shead a few tears.