I'm feeling so much better. Just writing out my post the other day lightened my heart. Thank you so much for your comments and prayers! I'm really trying to focus on enjoying and appreciating my life and my family as it is right now instead of fretting and grumbling over how I want things to be different. (Because one of the big things I was bothered about was whether to have another baby. Enough said for now.) And, it's working. Every time I start feeling anxious or frustrated or whatever about the size of our family, I just try to be truly in the moment with R. And, we've been having so much fun this week playing together, laughing, reading stories, talking - in a more relaxed way than usual. And, I've been leaving my laptop at work on purpose so that I can't have even the possibility of being distracted by work when I'm with him. That's been great. (It has done wonders for me and A, too. Our normal routine is to put R to bed, then we camp out in the living room with our respective laptops and pay more attention to the TV and to the laptops than to each other. Not good.)
Plus, I keep hearing God whispering to me that he's got plans for me. So I need to trust that he knows what he's doing and that everything will work out for the best. :-)
OK, enough about my emotional/mental/inner life. Gah!
I wish I could set up a live video feed of our yard right now. This morning, the sun was streaming through the trees, which have finally turned bright yellow and orange and red, and the leaves were falling like gentle rain. It took my breath away. I'll try to take pictures this weekend when we're raking.
Gotta go prepare for a presentation at work now. Happy Fall, everyone, and God bless!