Once in awhile, I wake up and just can't face going to work. Today was one of those days. I woke up exhausted, cranky, in pain, and stressed out. Usually, I get ready anyway and then head to the office. But, today I prayed about it and really felt like God was saying, "Stay home with your boys." I even questioned it because I get nervous a lot that I'm just using God as an excuse to do what I want to do. But I kept getting a strong feeling that I should stay home - and the usual guilt I feel about avoiding work wasn't there, so I took the day off.
It did wonders for me. I didn't think about work at all. I mostly focused on R and playing with him. In the early morning, R wanted to go outside and play with the garden hose. Sometimes, his playing with the hose turns into a power struggle between the two of us (he wants to use the "jet" setting and blow all my plants to smithereens), but today I just let him have fun. He made several puddles on the driveway, and we watched the water pool and swirl, and we looked at the pollen floating on top.
Later, A had to go to a doctor's appointment (he's STILL sick, the poor guy), so R and I took a little walk down to Spy Pond. He jumped from rock to rock, looked at a dead fish in the water, chased a butterfly, and talked to the mallard ducks that swam up to us.
For lunch, we walked to the diner down the street. I had an amazing chicken salad sandwich that had red peppers in it! Then we all took naps (one of the best things about having a young child is an excuse to take a nap!). In the afternoon, A and R went to visit A's parents one last time before they head back to California tomorrow, while I stayed home to have an hour to myself. I changed the beds, did some laundry, straightened up the house a bit, listened to some old Sam Cooke gospel tunes, and read a little. Just what I needed!
When I put R to bed tonight, I told him how much fun I had with him today and how much I love spending time with him. He said, "I love spending time with you, too, Mommy!"
The point of all this is that today reconfirmed for me something that's been on my heart for awhile now. I've been seriously thinking about reducing my hours at work. I've always wanted to, but now it's finally possible because A is making a lot more money than he used to. I would like to drop one day per week, but I think I'll only be able to do that every other week. In the last few weeks, the idea keeps coming into my head and poking at me. And I keep hearing God say to me, "Trust me." I believe this is an answer to several desperate prayers/please I made to God more than a year ago. All of a sudden, it dawned on me that it's possible! It was a long time coming, but I know that God often doesn't answer us as quickly as we want him to. (I love those times when I realize that God has answered a prayer that I forgot about - because He never forgets!)
So, I need to present my plan to some people at work and see what happens. I think it will be fine because there are at least two other women working 80% or less time in our company right now, and I'd only be requesting to work 90% time. And, my company has always been very supportive of me having a flexible schedule (I currently work two days a week from home).
If I can have two days a month like today - more time with R, a little less time worrying about work - I think it will make a huge difference in my happiness. Let's see what God has in store for me!