This afternoon, a woman broke R's heart. Careless words were said.
R hung his head all through dinner, not saying anything. He turned away and faced the wall. No amount of coaxing or joking could get him to feel better. He pulled out a piece of paper and a pencil and wrote, "I'm just not in the mood" when asked by A if he would talk to us.
I've never, ever seen him so sad, his little spirit crushed. No tears, just utter sadness.
I was the woman.
I feel like R will never love me the same way again, that we've crossed over into a different world and won't be able to get back to where we were before.
I was 11, I think, when I realized that my mom wasn't perfect. It was hard to accept then. R only had 6.5 years to believe that I was the one person in his life who would never hurt him. That is much too short.
When I started to cry tonight, R handed me a note that read, "I am sorey."
When I told him he had nothing to be sorry about, that I was the one who was sorry, he wrote, "It's okae. I luve you!"
I think R will be okay. We were snuggling before the night was over. But I know I will never be the same.